"the yearnings of two hearts create such heavenly pain"
such freudian slips will no longer be tolerated, dear. i'm calling the whole thing off.
someone caught me listening to the smiths on my way in to work this morning. i believe his words were along the lines of, "why on earth would you subject yourself to morrissey that early in the morning?!" and later, "it's like you're setting yourself up for suicide..."
okay that last line was embellished just a bit (replace 'suicide' with 'a bad day'). but i know that's what he was thinking.
and what was i thinking? we need public service announcements for this exact problem - you know it, i blogged it yesterday, rob gordon's initial monologue is a cautionary tale of the same:
music can be hazardous to your health.
like, if you just broke up with a boyfriend, refrain from listening to jeff buckley's grace or the postal service's give up. If you're struggling with work, bills, and adulthood, do NOT under any circumstance listen to "bastards of young" by the replacements. get where i'm going?
anyway... my coworker was right. i really should not have listened to the smiths this morning. my whole day. completely ruined. thanks, steven!
1.07.2011
1.06.2011
caroline, yes.
33.3 Art Show.
Thirty three and a third artists and designers reinterpret and reimagine existing album covers.
but i'm still fond of you, oh-oh-a-oh
sam cooke. you send me. bee-yoo-ti-ful (if i were andy warhol, oooooh)
sometimes, certain songs can stir such emotions in me, such strong emotions, that i literally have to stop listening.
it's not always sadness, either. sometimes i just get so overwhelmed with fondness for certain people, certain situations, i guess it would be love? but love isn't an emotion, maybe it's happiness...? the giddy, full, warm feeling, knowing that you have these amazing people in your life. people that, no matter how bad it gets, they just have that capability to make everything tolerable, even enjoyable.
it makes me smile to the point of exhaustion, makes me brim with silly tears. bee-yoo-ti-ful.
sometimes, certain songs can stir such emotions in me, such strong emotions, that i literally have to stop listening.
it's not always sadness, either. sometimes i just get so overwhelmed with fondness for certain people, certain situations, i guess it would be love? but love isn't an emotion, maybe it's happiness...? the giddy, full, warm feeling, knowing that you have these amazing people in your life. people that, no matter how bad it gets, they just have that capability to make everything tolerable, even enjoyable.
it makes me smile to the point of exhaustion, makes me brim with silly tears. bee-yoo-ti-ful.
1.05.2011
whoa there, girl. two posts in one day.
oddness abounds. next sunday my best gal, kelqui, and i are attending a haim/feldman film festival at the hollywood cinemas in woodridge, il. at least, that's the plan as of right now. you can never tell with the two of us.
i just signed up to become a member on turner classic movies' main site. for no real reason other than it's all i've been watching lately, i feel as if robert osborne and ben mankiewicz are intimates of mine, practically.
god! i'm a dork. i know it, i'm okay with it at least.
oddness abounds. next sunday my best gal, kelqui, and i are attending a haim/feldman film festival at the hollywood cinemas in woodridge, il. at least, that's the plan as of right now. you can never tell with the two of us.
i just signed up to become a member on turner classic movies' main site. for no real reason other than it's all i've been watching lately, i feel as if robert osborne and ben mankiewicz are intimates of mine, practically.
god! i'm a dork. i know it, i'm okay with it at least.
'you all may be her beaus, but i taught Josie all she knows'
wild wild wild youth (insert claps)
i can't, i'm sworn to secrecy. but wouldn't you love to know?
my writing is prolific, and yet, i'm not doing anything challenging, anything new.
i've never been good at balancing, i've always plunged headfirst into endeavors while forgetting even important things. there are definitely people that i miss and that i want to see or talk to. i'm just so notoriously bad at it. at being social. evenly social, i guess. i'm either climbing the rafters or bedridden for weeks.
and this isn't even making the least bit of sense, i know, but maybe it will to a few of you.
it's not an apology, just an explanation.
but really, i am the worst.
addendum: this book is pretty damned good.
i can't, i'm sworn to secrecy. but wouldn't you love to know?
my writing is prolific, and yet, i'm not doing anything challenging, anything new.
i've never been good at balancing, i've always plunged headfirst into endeavors while forgetting even important things. there are definitely people that i miss and that i want to see or talk to. i'm just so notoriously bad at it. at being social. evenly social, i guess. i'm either climbing the rafters or bedridden for weeks.
and this isn't even making the least bit of sense, i know, but maybe it will to a few of you.
it's not an apology, just an explanation.
but really, i am the worst.
addendum: this book is pretty damned good.
1.04.2011
a comedy for those who think; and a tragedy for those who feel
new, shiny, excitedness:
so i am working with my awesome cousin on a possible novel. i don't know what will come of it, but we are at least going to collaborate, share some ideas, see where it goes. i am truly excited. it's a lot cooler when you get to share these kinds of things with your family.
i am also currently working with other family members on transcribing some of my grandfather's war-era letters... which again, makes me really happy to be collaborating with my family, on our own history.
i don't suppose it has much to do with being italian, but maybe it does, who knows. family is just important to me. whether is bound by blood or otherwise.
blahhhh. wanna do up the west coast somethin' fierce.
so i am working with my awesome cousin on a possible novel. i don't know what will come of it, but we are at least going to collaborate, share some ideas, see where it goes. i am truly excited. it's a lot cooler when you get to share these kinds of things with your family.
i am also currently working with other family members on transcribing some of my grandfather's war-era letters... which again, makes me really happy to be collaborating with my family, on our own history.
i don't suppose it has much to do with being italian, but maybe it does, who knows. family is just important to me. whether is bound by blood or otherwise.
blahhhh. wanna do up the west coast somethin' fierce.
1.03.2011
tragedy plus time...
so, happy 2011???
i tell you, i slept right through it.
sometimes i feel like pulling an anna karenina.
but enough of the maudlin. really. i did recently watch get him to the greek, and not two days later, my favorite year, and really, aren't they quite similar? russell brand playing the inebriated, washed up rockstar, peter otoole playing the inebriated, washed up screen idol. that jonah hill guy's character, no different really from the guy from perfect strangers whose name i can't recall at the moment...
ghttg doesn't hold a candle to my favorite year though. watching peter otoole leap onto the policeman's horse in the park, or swinging down from the balcony at 30 rock... really, just wonderful performances. why can't they seem to make movies like they used to? have they really run out of ideas?
BUT OH MY GOD. OMYEFFINGGOD. Sam Riley as SAL PARADISE. I cannot fucking wait.
i've been staying in quite a bit. i also was able to catch scott pilgrim vs. the world (decent), 500 days of summer (sad), singin' in the rain (can you believe i've never seen it before? oh, gene kelly, how have i never appreciated your beauty?!), and this wonderful movie with cary grant and his at-the-time wife, where they adopted two children, in addition to the three they already had... can't remember the name but it was really quite sweet. also roman holiday, for the hundredth time, and walk the line... i tell you, some movies are just like comfort food to me.
i also just finished honey, by honey bruce... the sordid story of lenny's 'shady lady'... it's really sad, what did you expect? i think lenny had a lot in common with another lonely junkie soul, johnny thunders. incapable of coping neither with real life, or with the stratospheres of success, they chose to selfdestruct, leaving behind snippets of brilliance in their wake. its unfortunate, the pull of the old push-and-pull, what the fuck makes people think it's something to be glamorized or sugarcoated? have you not SEEN, i mean REALLY TAKEN A GOOD LOOK at keith richards lately??? if you want to know the true ravages of narcotics, LOOK AT HIS FACE.
oy vey. there's your antidrug.
i tell you, i slept right through it.
sometimes i feel like pulling an anna karenina.
but enough of the maudlin. really. i did recently watch get him to the greek, and not two days later, my favorite year, and really, aren't they quite similar? russell brand playing the inebriated, washed up rockstar, peter otoole playing the inebriated, washed up screen idol. that jonah hill guy's character, no different really from the guy from perfect strangers whose name i can't recall at the moment...
ghttg doesn't hold a candle to my favorite year though. watching peter otoole leap onto the policeman's horse in the park, or swinging down from the balcony at 30 rock... really, just wonderful performances. why can't they seem to make movies like they used to? have they really run out of ideas?
BUT OH MY GOD. OMYEFFINGGOD. Sam Riley as SAL PARADISE. I cannot fucking wait.
i've been staying in quite a bit. i also was able to catch scott pilgrim vs. the world (decent), 500 days of summer (sad), singin' in the rain (can you believe i've never seen it before? oh, gene kelly, how have i never appreciated your beauty?!), and this wonderful movie with cary grant and his at-the-time wife, where they adopted two children, in addition to the three they already had... can't remember the name but it was really quite sweet. also roman holiday, for the hundredth time, and walk the line... i tell you, some movies are just like comfort food to me.
i also just finished honey, by honey bruce... the sordid story of lenny's 'shady lady'... it's really sad, what did you expect? i think lenny had a lot in common with another lonely junkie soul, johnny thunders. incapable of coping neither with real life, or with the stratospheres of success, they chose to selfdestruct, leaving behind snippets of brilliance in their wake. its unfortunate, the pull of the old push-and-pull, what the fuck makes people think it's something to be glamorized or sugarcoated? have you not SEEN, i mean REALLY TAKEN A GOOD LOOK at keith richards lately??? if you want to know the true ravages of narcotics, LOOK AT HIS FACE.
oy vey. there's your antidrug.
12.25.2010
12.23.2010
ones that love us least, the ones we'll die to please.
well.
been an interesting sort of week so far. happy, happy birthday indeed.
one thing i can say, although i have weathered years upon years of generic (and not-so generic) heartbreak, i will always, always have my friends... some have come and gone, of course (sometimes i was the one going)... but goddamn.
sometimes all this poor me, nobody-loves-me bullshit makes me lose sight of who and what is really important to me.
the ones that really matter, i hope they know. i know i probably don't say it enough. but i hope they know.
been an interesting sort of week so far. happy, happy birthday indeed.
one thing i can say, although i have weathered years upon years of generic (and not-so generic) heartbreak, i will always, always have my friends... some have come and gone, of course (sometimes i was the one going)... but goddamn.
sometimes all this poor me, nobody-loves-me bullshit makes me lose sight of who and what is really important to me.
the ones that really matter, i hope they know. i know i probably don't say it enough. but i hope they know.
12.20.2010
the mean reds
"does he lay awake listening to your breath. worried you smoke too many cigarettes"
06/08
always shifing the feelings from one person to another. the names, the faces change, but the sentiments do not.
sometimes, sometimes she forgets which one she's talked to that day; she'll wonder if her cute and charming anecdotes have already been mentioned to that one or not? did she call him by the correct name, even? and does he suspect a thing???
oh god. this is how bad she's become. she's become her father, she's become Ian fucking Curtis. all those horror stories, the pain her mother felt, and the betrayal; and now she's no different.
"i will not weep for those dying days. for all the ones who've left there's a few that stayed"
_____
how do you turn it off? where's that fucking switch that makes you stop caring?
06/08
always shifing the feelings from one person to another. the names, the faces change, but the sentiments do not.
sometimes, sometimes she forgets which one she's talked to that day; she'll wonder if her cute and charming anecdotes have already been mentioned to that one or not? did she call him by the correct name, even? and does he suspect a thing???
oh god. this is how bad she's become. she's become her father, she's become Ian fucking Curtis. all those horror stories, the pain her mother felt, and the betrayal; and now she's no different.
"i will not weep for those dying days. for all the ones who've left there's a few that stayed"
_____
how do you turn it off? where's that fucking switch that makes you stop caring?
12.18.2010
a blindness that touches perfection
courtney love once said of her doomed paramour, "kurt cobain makes my heart stop. but he's a shit"... goddamn blonde, blue-eyes-like-dinner-plates, piscean men.
i read that, and i knew exactly what she meant. that stupid, stupid feeling in at the bottom of your stomach... it's not nausea, but i am loathe to use the term 'butterflies'... maybe instead it's just the dread, the anxiety of knowing that this guy has the potential to, and most likely will, break your silly heart.
oh, maybe that's a little overdramatic. but for all the heartbreak i've given and received, the ones dispensing it have always been cold, Teutonic, emotionless ghouls.
maybe i am just as clueless as miss parker (see previous post). maybe i feel like it's some sort of game; let's see if we can make this one work. instead of accepting incompatibility, it becomes a challenge.
a challenge i'll always lose.
i am really, really down today. it's been a steady pattern of that for a while now. and what timing, too. happy birthday, indeed.
i read that, and i knew exactly what she meant. that stupid, stupid feeling in at the bottom of your stomach... it's not nausea, but i am loathe to use the term 'butterflies'... maybe instead it's just the dread, the anxiety of knowing that this guy has the potential to, and most likely will, break your silly heart.
oh, maybe that's a little overdramatic. but for all the heartbreak i've given and received, the ones dispensing it have always been cold, Teutonic, emotionless ghouls.
maybe i am just as clueless as miss parker (see previous post). maybe i feel like it's some sort of game; let's see if we can make this one work. instead of accepting incompatibility, it becomes a challenge.
a challenge i'll always lose.
i am really, really down today. it's been a steady pattern of that for a while now. and what timing, too. happy birthday, indeed.
12.16.2010
the direction you don't take
i just watched this, and i do predict a sudden, overwhelming fascination with the 1930's... great depression... gun molls... lives cut short... and other such nonsense.
and let me just say... wow. bonnie parker was really pretty. which is puzzling to me, why such a petite, pretty, and poetic young thing would willingly meet with such a horrific fate... i mean, is that really the draw, the pull of 'true love'?!?
and let me just say... wow. bonnie parker was really pretty. which is puzzling to me, why such a petite, pretty, and poetic young thing would willingly meet with such a horrific fate... i mean, is that really the draw, the pull of 'true love'?!?
12.15.2010
hub-cap-diamond-star-halo
just about another week, and i will no longer be eligible for that silly club.
although, in their terms, i would have had to been famous, or at least somewhat famous, or at the VERY least, contributed SOMETHING to the pop culture landscape. and i hardly think a glorified livejournal counts, sooooooo...
maybe THAT should be my hint, or my proverbial kick-to-the-rear, to get something going. maybe it's just the fear of getting older but i am starting to feel a sort of panic, a tightening in the chest whenever i start to think about how much time has passed and just how LITTLE i've actually done and seen. the clock is ticking, damnit.
'life's going by, but it's just begun...' and look where it got them. not members of the 27 club, but surely they've found a place in the rock and roll mythos. at least, i fucking hope so (although they aren't found here, i stumbled across this in my "research"... really, an amusing read if you have the time. go here for the ha-ha's).
oh! but i digress. i always digress. maybe THAT has been the problem all along.
although, in their terms, i would have had to been famous, or at least somewhat famous, or at the VERY least, contributed SOMETHING to the pop culture landscape. and i hardly think a glorified livejournal counts, sooooooo...
maybe THAT should be my hint, or my proverbial kick-to-the-rear, to get something going. maybe it's just the fear of getting older but i am starting to feel a sort of panic, a tightening in the chest whenever i start to think about how much time has passed and just how LITTLE i've actually done and seen. the clock is ticking, damnit.
'life's going by, but it's just begun...' and look where it got them. not members of the 27 club, but surely they've found a place in the rock and roll mythos. at least, i fucking hope so (although they aren't found here, i stumbled across this in my "research"... really, an amusing read if you have the time. go here for the ha-ha's).
oh! but i digress. i always digress. maybe THAT has been the problem all along.
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