The Gube Strikes Back

Attack of the Gube

“Love! What is it?

Most natural painkiller what there is.

LOVE”

but hey. there's this. or this.



or best of all:

disappear here

arg.

fuck this fucking weather.

i get cabin fever something fierce, and yet, my brain just goes stagnant.

ugggggggg.


i hate feeling consistently on edge. just one day where i didn't have to worry or feel like the world was crashing down on me... it'd sure be nice.

I JUST GOOGLE MAPPED THE EIFFEL TOWER

!!!

try it sometime... it's almost like being there... it's the closest i'll probably ever get to it anyway.

satellite of love

oh man. the fucking cure. disintegration, pornography, faith, ...

this has been my monday morning so far. my monday morning mixtape, monday morning for *you*... special. drive in saturday, computer love, the passenger. rock and roll suicide. perfect day.

oh, and hey, here's some more kraftwerk for you. the best kraftwerk song, ever. on stylophone.

so, true to form, kel and i did miss out on the aforementioned (posted earlier) corey feldman film festival... but hopefully we'll follow through with this.

spoiler alert, possibly.

ALSO, i was thoroughly disappointed with black swan. i'm sorry. i was.

and i love darren aronofsky, which makes it worse.

pretty much the best thing about the movie was the love scene. which was also disappointing, only because they talked it up so much. and not to give anything away but the film was just full of cop-outs.

i hate the 'it's all in your head' bullshit. that's just a cop-out if you ask me.

kelli, sunday, january 16:

'stop ian curtis suiciding over there!!'



what? no funny?

i fucking love this kid with all my heart. no matter what happens to me, or to him, or to us simultaneously. he's the best.

still, though, i'm feeling like the captain of the titanic. or maybe more than that, i'm like one of those musicians. whether it was foolish devotion, or (still foolish) loyalty, stubbornness, fear, whatever the fuck it was.... it's gonna take me down too.

you took my heart and you hocked it.

'mother i tried please believe me, i'm doing the best that I can. i'm ashamed of the things i've been put through, i'm ashamed of the person I am'



these are dark days.

really dark days.

i would like to think that there's some security, in anything i do... but there isn't.

it's the most terrifying thing. i'm living without a net.

and i am consistently one step away from just... well... i don't even know. doing something drastic, dramatic, and stupid.

it's my own fault for having idiots for idols, but...



'she gave away the secrets of her past and said, i've lost control again'



i'm sorry i'm such a lout. i really am. even my closest friends can attest to my... i could only describe it as flakiness, but it's not as easy as that...

i can't explain it, and i guess i shouldn't. just makes me sound like more of an asshole. but i guess that's the truth and i shouldn't bother avoiding it.

but i am sorry.




'see my true reflection, cut off my own connections. i can see life getting harder. so sad is this sensation, reverse the situation. i can't see it getting better...'

hamartia

the good life is out there somewhere

so stay on my arm, you little charmer

typecast forgotten young saviours

"don't you know it takes something more to cope with these problems, this stress. This i can take but the way some people look at me, the way some people talk, really gets me down. this is all i want. this is all i came for. this is my life"

be like the kettle and sing!

"the yearnings of two hearts create such heavenly pain"

such freudian slips will no longer be tolerated, dear. i'm calling the whole thing off.



someone caught me listening to the smiths on my way in to work this morning. i believe his words were along the lines of, "why on earth would you subject yourself to morrissey that early in the morning?!" and later, "it's like you're setting yourself up for suicide..."

okay that last line was embellished just a bit (replace 'suicide' with 'a bad day'). but i know that's what he was thinking.

and what was i thinking? we need public service announcements for this exact problem - you know it, i blogged it yesterday, rob gordon's initial monologue is a cautionary tale of the same:

music can be hazardous to your health.

like, if you just broke up with a boyfriend, refrain from listening to jeff buckley's grace or the postal service's give up. If you're struggling with work, bills, and adulthood, do NOT under any circumstance listen to "bastards of young" by the replacements. get where i'm going?



anyway... my coworker was right. i really should not have listened to the smiths this morning. my whole day. completely ruined. thanks, steven!