This is fucking hilarious.

This is something that I recently discovered in an old notebook, scribbled and unpublished, from 2/20/2009:

The Breakup Routine

(as practiced by myself and several colleagues)

I know everyone is different. And every breakup is a different situation. Some feel relief, some just accept it, and others go batshit insane... I'd like to think that I've never experienced the latter, but come on, who am I trying to kid?

At any rate, below is our list of post-breakup, therapeutic rituals:

1. Make a mix tape.

Even if you don't give it to the person, compiling your best, angriest songs can sometimes better express the gutwrenching pain you feel.

2. Watch High Fidelity.

Actually, while I'm at it, read Jack Kerouac's The Subterraneans too.

3. Throw a 'party'

(ed. I don't know what this one even means, and I didn't have anything written below it, so we're going to leave it as-is. on to the best one...)

4. Drink to excess.

What else needs to be said? Go out with your friends, have drinks with stupid names, dance and make a fool of yourself. Or stay in and watch lame movies with a bottle of wine by your side.

And while I'm not totally proud to admit this...

5. is Go out and get a rebound.

And whether that's just making out with someone in a crowded bar, taking them home for a one night stand, or picking out china patterns with 'em, the best way to get over someone is to find someone else. Generally, it's smarter to just surround yourself with your family and your friends, but you're gonna have to get back on that horse eventually. Hah. Just remember what the great Gene Pitney once sung: "Only love can break a heart, only love can mend it again".

Of course, I'm sure he wasn't referring to picking up poor unsuspecting rebound bar chicks... then again, maybe he was..

Hilarious, right? And oft times, true. Yeeeeeeah.