what the hell is a jigawatt?!

Okay so for the past couple hangs, my friends and I have taken turns attempting to conquer Super Mario All-Stars for the Super Nintendo system... no doubt one of the best games, made for the best system of all time. All-Stars combined all three NES Marios, as well as the original Japanese sequel to the first game (titled for this game 'The Lost Levels'). Admittedly, our collective attention deficit disorder couldn't bring us to complete either Mario One or The Lost Levels, but we did successfully beat Mario Two and Three over the course of a couple nights. And what we've discovered is that nothing really changes...

For starters, even though it's been ten, fifteen years, everyone still knows exactly where to go. And even though you may have the controller, everyone still shouts out directions like they're holding an effing map. Meanwhile, the easiest jumps and villains aren't always vanquished- and the only difference from when we were ten is how our lexicon has matured. I myself used to throw the controller angrily, but now my defeats are peppered with profanities.

And really, it was like watching a sport. Every difficult maneuver was met with oohs and ahhs by the rest of us waiting our turns. For the kids that never really got into football and preferred arts and entertainment... maybe this was our sport. Anyway, while taking our trip down memory lane, we discovered a few absolute truths to the Mario legacy:

● The music box is simply the most pointless thing in Super Mario 3. It didn't even eliminate the mini-villains, the Hammer Brothers. It just put them to sleep! What the hell is the point of that? And honestly, if you can't beat one or two Hammer Brothers, your chances of getting through the rest of the game are pretty slim.

● The Princess is ALWAYS chosen in Super Mario 2. I know that the other characters have their own 'skills', but nothing beats Princess' long jump. That, and girl gamers never pick the boys, given the choice.

● And finally, despite the advancements in video gaming, nothing will beat the original two-dimensional Super Marios.


Jim S said...

Everything you said about Mario is absoloutly true. Once you pick it up after 10 plus years, you still know where everything is. Another stupid item was the cloud. Sure you could bypass a level, but you would have to make sure you can beat the next level otherwise it reverts you back to your original position.

Also, I am secure enough in my own masculinity to always pick the princess.

Kimmy T said...

Yep. It's disgusting what our brains choose to remember.

See, I liked using the cloud in world seven, only because that was my least favorite world. Which I guess is another truth... everyone had their least favorite level. Jason loathes the giant world for some reason. And why were the end guys always so easy to beat? The levels themselves were more difficult, if you ask me. Except for Wendy Koopa... that floating-ring bitch.

Damnit, all this talk makes me want to play Mario again.